I am an empath. If you are not one, as a brief explanation, I have hypersensitivity to energy. That means I can not only read the energy in a room and generally pick up the vibe wherever I go, but I also have the ability to experience the emotions and physical pain of others. Sounds fun, right? Yeah...not so much when you feel overwhelmed in crowded places, experience horrible shoulder pain in lower vibration locations, struggle with anxiety and chronic fatigue from processing the emotions of other people, and get headaches and other mysterious pains from the people around me. I was the poster child for the "unempowered empath".
In my late 30s, I became singularly focused on how to get this perceived curse under control. I began taking Reiki classes in addition to other energy healing modalities, in an effort to gain the upper hand on this empath thing. I had some excellent teachers along the way that touted themselves as experts in helping empaths become more empowered. They all seemed to have the same types of visualization techniques that were supposed to act as shielding (seeing a pink light around my body, grounding and releasing negative energy via a grounding cord, asking angels to protect me, etc). While these techniques to varying degrees were helpful (when I remembered to do them!), I never found any of these techniques to be the magic bullet I was seeking.
Flash forward 6 years after working on thousands of clients as an energy and sound healing practitioner, I found myself with tons of empath clients all struggling like I was to find something that would make them feel more control over their extreme sensitivity. Now that they were looking to me for answers, I found myself passing on these same techniques and sometimes even referring clients to Google for additional ideas if the methods I suggested didn't resonate for them. My guess is these techniques worked about as well for them as they did for me - not well. But this was all I had in my toolbox.
What I'm about to write next may be polarizing to other empaths and particularly to those light workers who continue to teach these techniques. Last October, I signed up to work with a shaman for 3 weeks in Sedona. I thought I was there to learn shamanic breath work (which I did), but it turned out I was actually there to heal myself. It was the most grueling 3 weeks of my life, and I thought about quitting twice. But I persisted. One day I was explaining to my no-bullshit teacher that I needed to sit in the back of the class near the corner so I wouldn't take on the energy of the other class attendees. I told her my usual sad spiel about how my right shoulder would flare up and that I'd physically start to get uncomfortable if I were to take a seat in the middle of the room.
What happened next really pissed me off. She looked at me with pure condescension and said, "Well that's not very empowered of you. If you were empowered, you would realize that you have the ability to be the highest vibration in the room. You could be the one that brings the light into a space, and all the others would entrain to your vibration. But that's a choice. You've decided that you want to be influenced by everyone else's energy. And maybe you're stuck in your story".
I decided that I hated her (not really, but I wasn't her biggest fan), and I chalked it up to the fact that she must be all about HER ego. (See what I did there...I made it about her). I wasn't ready to hear her message. At all. When I got home from Sedona, that conversation kept replaying in my head. Was it really that easy? Am I stuck in my story? What the hell is my story? Why would I choose to feel the physical pain and exhaustion of others?
Something about what she said was hitting a nerve, and I needed time and space to integrate the information. After 2 months of serious soul searching, I realized I finally had my answer. I knew the story (nice way of saying lie btw) I was telling myself. MY ego needed to feel the physical pain and anxiety of others in order to feel like I was legitimate and validated as an empath. (See what I did there, I took responsibility) It's not like I was doing this on purpose, but this was exactly what was happening on a very subconscious level. I also realized that I was ready to let that story go - because it was simply a lie I was telling myself that was keeping me stuck. You can still be empathetic without feeling the physical pain and exhaustion. You CAN decide to be the highest vibration in the room. You CAN decide to be the person that brings the light into every space and let others be affected by your energy - not the other way around. But it is a CHOICE!!
Many of us are holding tight to our stories about why we need to stay stuck. We make excuses for ourselves or worse, like me, play the victim card. We do not have to be toys batted around by a giant universal cat. But the answer, while simple, requires self exploration and some digging to uncover what story is keeping you stuck. That can be messy. It can be triggering. It may be challenging, but it will be worth it.
Now when I walk into a crowded place, I can still sense the energy, but I am no longer negatively affected by it. I have shifted into a mindset where I know (with every cell in my body) that I bring the light. Every day. Everywhere I go. I am the highest vibration in the room because I've decided that's who I am now. I no longer teach clients how to shield themselves but rather, I challenge them to investigate their story. And I realize like my own journey, that their transition into empowerment may take some time. Everyone of us has the opportunity to make that choice. You can stick with your pink light shielding techniques, but the powerful choice is to release your story and become the light bringer.
xoxo Cristin